Grief has been a crazy journey that I would never wish on anyone. I've been going through an intense grief/growth period. Doing my best to heal in the healthiest ways possible. There's no one right way to grieve. The best thing you can do is follow your heart and do what feels best for you. Figure out what makes the new you happy. Surround yourself with people that love and support you. Try to find things to be grateful for. I can tell you from experience, having a positive mindset can change everything. Train yourself to feel like a survivor, not a victim.
Having an open mind and an open heart has helped me so much. With pain and loss comes growth. I've grown into an entirely different woman than the one I was before losing my daughter. Some of things that mattered to me before seem so insignificant now, and things I didn't focus on as much before have become so important in my new life. Even though this has been an incredibly painful journey.. I've been enjoying getting to know the new me.
I'm all about women supporting each other, so naturally I've become friends with several other moms who have lost babies. One of them was being attacked on Instagram recently for being excited about something. They were making her feel like she wasn't allowed to have happy moments or she must be forgetting she lost her child. We never forget. We're doing the best we can to move forward and make the most of the life we have now. Anytime there is a moment of silence, trust me, our minds go right back to our babies.
We don't post about the rough days and waves of extreme heart break. We're trying our best to be happy again. You move toward what you focus on. I've been choosing to focus on LOVE. I love honoring my daughter and talking about her but I'm not gonna focus on the hard times. I have a happy life. So much to be grateful for. Just posting the happy times doesn't mean the sad times aren't happening. It also doesn't mean we're being fake for trying to focus on the beautiful parts of our life.
It's so crazy to me when I hear someone talking negatively about someone trying to be their best self. Everyone shows the best of themselves, especially on social media. A lot of us are business women. If our social media is part of our business, then OF COURSE we're gonna post the best photos. Thats what ALL businesses do. I don't understand this bullying of these people that are already in pain. There's no "Handbook for the recently deceased" as much as Beetlejuice would lead you to believe otherwise.
What's the saying?
“PEOPLE WILL LOVE YOU. PEOPLE WILL HATE YOU. AND NONE OF IT WILL HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU.”-Abraham Hicks
It's so true. It usually has more to do with what they're going through in their own life. Over the years, I've changed my reaction to people like that. Seeing someone else's perspective is such a powerful thing. Now I just remind myself, that has nothing to do with me. Send them love and hope they get through it. Choose love and be kind.
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." -Plato
After reading tons of stories about grief, I realized that most people don't know how to let themselves grieve and most people don't know how to support a person that's grieving. What we need most is to feel supported and free to heal in whatever way feels right to us without judgment. Love is the best thing you can give to someone grieving. The second best thing you can give them is space and time.
Everyone deals with grief differently and that's ok. We're taught that grief is supposed look a certain way and assisting in it should look a certain way. That it should all happen on a certain timeline but thats just not true. I like to be alone and process things on my own. I recharge when I'm alone. My fiancé has always been social. He looked for comfort in the group settings. Now those environments don't give him that same relief they once did. Unfortunately the things that worked for the old you probably won't work for you now. Grief is a journey that forces you to figure out what works for you. That is, if you want to heal. Some people find a subconscious comfort in being the victim. They become addicted to the pain of the loss, thus prolonging it and keeping life from becoming beautiful again. ..and that's ok too.
Our friends and family have been amazing and have given us the love and time to process things. I've read lots of stories of friends and family trying to rush along the grief process in an attempt to skip the awkwardness of it all. Our grief has changed us into a whole new person. Allowing yourself to follow your heart in these times is so important. Our best chances at finding true happiness again is to get to know the new us and the new ways to heal ourselves.
Things that have helped me the most:
Reading books about reincarnation & life after death
(Brian Weiss is amazing)
Photography by Deed DeBruno
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